Rabbi’s Essays
Real Jews
(2002)
Recently a familiar Jewish joke passed by my desk. (By the way, the traditional definition of a Jewish joke is one that no non-Jew will ever understand and every Jew has heard before.) It was a variation on this classic: A fellow buys a new car and goes to an Orthodox Rabbi for a blessing: “Will you recite a b’rakha over my new Mercedes?” “Sure,” says the Rabbi, “once you tell me—what’s a Mercedes?” The fellow then finds a Reform Rabbi and asks, “Will you recite a b’rakha over my new Mercedes?” “Sure,” is the reply, “once you tell me—what’s a b’rakha?” The joke is doubly cruel, employing two stereotypes: 1. Orthodox Jews are ignorant of basic secular knowledge, and 2. Reform Jews are ignorant of basic Jewish knowledge. Stereotypes are cruel, but not irrational. They are established by widespread perception. Thus, it might well be the case that in general Orthodox Jews are better informed of certain things Jewish and less informed of certain things secular than Reform Jews. The most obvious and prevalent conclusion we may draw from these popular images is that Orthodox Jews are somehow more Jewish. From one point of view, this position is absurd. Consider: who is more pregnant, a woman in her fourth or a woman in her ninth month? Being Jewish is a quality that is not affected by quantity. Once one is Jewish, one cannot be more or less a Jew. But, being ‘more Jewish’ generally means being more knowledgeable in Judaica, more committed to the Jewish people, more authentic in one’s Jewish practice, more concerned about the future survival of the Jewish people, more really Jewish. The perception is powerful. Many Orthodox and Hasidic institutions draw substantial and generous support from non-Orthodox Jews, members in good standing of Reform and Conservative congregations. Occasionally their contributions rival or exceed the level of giving to their own synagogues and movements. Why is that? Better marketing? No, I would rather suggest that many givers justify their gifts on the grounds that the Orthodox institutions need it more. They are less well endowed by the donations of their own constituency (who are thought to be poorer), and they are, after all, the Jews who are really preserving Judaism into the next generation. Thus, Reform and Conservative Jews come to believe that not only does Orthodoxy need it more, they deserve it more. I am not writing in order to denounce or demean Orthodoxy. Nor am I going to suggest that it is not all that important for Reform Jews to be more knowledgeable of Jewish traditions and practice. The fundamental issue at hand is the divided souls of so many non-Orthodox Jews: the discomfort with the Jewish bona fides of their own life style, and the easy acceptance of the greater worthiness of those who choose to live as Orthodox. Reform and Conservative Jews are real Jews, not only as a biological fact, but also in that their idea of what Judaism is all about is absolutely authentic. In some elements, it is more true to Jewish ideals and values than Orthodoxy itself. At very least, Reform and Conservative Judaism should be the primary recipient of support by Reform and Conservative Jews. The Struggle for Terminology The first problem is one of terminology. Let me give an example: One of the most contentious political and moral issues in American society is the question of abortion. How do we refer to the two principal forces in the debate? Those who argue that abortion is tantamount to murder are called ‘pro-life,’ ‘anti-abortion,’ and ‘anti-choice.’ Those who promote a woman’s control over her own body are called ‘pro-choice’ or ‘pro-abortion.’ Note that some of these terms have a more positive resonance than others. ‘Pro-life’ implies that the opposition is ‘anti-life.’ ‘Anti-choice,’ on the other hand, assaults the American value of freedom. So, in the abortion debate, each side tries to control the terminology of the argument, claiming that they are ‘pro-life’ or ‘pro-choice,’ while the other side is ‘pro-abortion’ or ‘anti-choice.’ How we express our opinions reveals much about how we think or feel. In the debate over Jewish authenticity, Orthodoxy has appeared to win the terminology battle hands down. Our conventional understanding of everything Jewish pertains to traditional Jewish ritual items and practice, which are far more associated with an Orthodox life-style. I can suggest a few reasons for this situation, and will in a moment. First, take note that “conventional wisdom” has the virtue of being wise, and the deficiency of being conventional. Orthodoxy has the upper hand in conventional Jewish terminology, but that is quite different from being the standard of authenticity. Now, why do we tend to equate Jewish with Jewish tradition? For one, all we know of Jewish ritual is the halakhah, rabbinic law. The most religiously indifferent Jew will acknowledge candles on Shabbat, matzah on Passover, a talit during worship and a mezuzah on one’s door as uniquely and explicitly Jewish items. Things and practices Jewish inevitably start with a body of Jewish tradition. A second—closely related—reason is that we have a tendency to understand Judaism as a fixed something; a box, if you will, filled with all sorts of objects and practices. In order to be “more Jewish,” one takes more things out of the box. In this conception, what is Jewish is in the box. Nothing is added to the box, and nothing ever disappears from it. Some items—the sacrificial rites performed in the days of the Temple, for example—remain stuck in the box, no longer performed, but not condemned as ‘non-Jewish’ either. What about such innovations as the increased role of women in public Jewish life: serving as rabbis and cantors, or the creation of such ceremonies as a b’rit for baby girls? Orthodox Jews will denounce them as un-Jewish assimilationist fads. Non-Orthodox Jews might defend them as responding to contemporary needs, but when challenged as to whether they are really Jewish, might very well respond, “that is beside the point.” After all, they are not in the box. A Detour into Philosophy (Feel free to skip if you wish) The position that Judaism is some fixed thing is referred to in philosophy as realism. Realism is the point of view that the essence of reality is the concept, the idea. Consider a table: When you look at such an object you can see it has a certain height, a certain shape, a certain color, a certain degree of hardness, etc. You recognize, however, that none of these qualities—size, shape, color, material—are necessary for defining the object as a table. They could all be otherwise. The ‘table-ness’ of the table is therefore not found in what you actually see or feel, but rather in your ability to access the concept of “table.” The concept is the real table; the color, size, shape, etc. are simply accidental instances of this particular object before you. If the concept is real, where is it to be found? Plato, the principal proponent of this line of thinking, suggested that it resided in a world of ideas, a place that could be reached only through the power of thought, but where all pure concepts exist. When Plato’s idea-world was combined with theology, creating medieval philosophy, concepts were to be found in the mind of God. And God, the Creator, is the ultimate reality. Plato’s philosophy has been very influential in religious thought, but there are other systems. In opposition to realisim there is nominalism, a system promoted by Aristotle. This is realism turned on its head. Concepts are not real. Rather they are the abstraction (which you recognize as the term opposite to ‘real’) of groups of individual perceptions. We see pieces of furniture that are flat surfaces supported by a number of legs. Some are large, small, round, rectangular, made of wood, plastic, metal, etc. Each object is a little bit of reality, and we learn to name (hence nominalism) the common features that they all have as “table.” No pure table actually exists; just the abstract concept to which we have applied this name. Aristotle’s system was also combined with traditional religious thought. Rather than accessing the mind of God in order to discern the objects of reality, we are the recipients of a God-given ability to abstract from reality (the individual bits and pieces of God’s creation) a comprehensive understanding of the world. Both the points of view established by Aristotle and Plato, however, reinforce a notion of Judaism as fixed thing. Either it is (Platonic) the pure concept as found in the mind of God, or it is the pure abstraction formed by the activity of God-given reason on the reality of the world. Aristotelianism does allow for greater creativity in determining exactly what is Jewish (what is in the box). Aristotelian Jewish philosophers—Maimonides is the prime example—were aware of this flexibility, and utilized it in order to suggest modifications in Jewish belief and practice. If Maimonides could employ such philosophic insights toward determining proper Judaism, could not every Jew? When Maimonides published his philosophic tome, The Guide to the Perplexed, many conservative authorities denounced him for opening out—democratizing—Judaism. Their argument was on two fronts. First, they castigated Maimonides for explicating such an approach to Jewish practice and belief. Second, they were particularly upset that the work was written in Arabic, the vernacular language of most Spanish and North African Jews of the twelfth century, instead of Hebrew, the language limited only to Jewish scholars. Maimonides was not as subversive as his critics contended. Although its rendering in Arabic made the Guide more accessible to non-Hebrew scholars, its technical language still made it a difficult work for anyone not especially learned in Philosophy. Ultimately Maimonides—and most of his Aristotelian colleagues—upheld another Platonic concept, namely that authority resides exclusively in a leadership made up of those who have the talent and education to understand truly God’s will. In the end, Maimonides wanted to preserve the classic structure by which the Rabbis had the right and responsibility of determining proper Jewish conduct. There is a third system of philosophy worth discussing. This is idealism. Its origins are not in ancient Greek thought, but rather in the early modern era in the philosophies of Immanuel Kant and Georg Hegel. Idealism proposes that reality is not presented, neither in the pure concept nor in sensory perceptions. It unfolds. The combination of repeated observation and repeated rational thinking leads to a more refined, and therefore more accurate understanding of what is real. Our current perceptions and concepts are only approximations on the path to the ideal. In the ancient and medieval systems of philosophy, reality is timeless. It is just there, in the fixed laws of nature, or in the eternal order of God’s will. Idealism introduces the role of time. Thus, Judaism might not be something that simply is. Judaism might be a process of becoming. With idealism, we move from orthodoxy to a notion of reform. Out of Time, Out of Sight Orthodox Judaism is established by a certain mind-set. There is nothing particularly wrong with the point of view, but there is nothing fundamentally Jewish with it either. One component of this mind-set is that Jews, as Jews, exist outside of time. This stance is not a repudiation of history, or even of Jewish history. History however has been temporarily suspended, and we are currently living within that suspension. History is not to be conceived as the human history of the rise and fall of nations and kings, or the development of science and technology, but rather as religious history, or the history of God’s interaction with the people Israel. This account of time begins with the Creation of the world (perhaps even before the Creation). It continues through the history recorded in the Hebrew Bible (Tanach), which is distinguished by the presence of the divine spirit on earth. When, following the Babylonian Exile and the rebuilding of the Temple in Jerusalem, the divine presence removed itself—the age of prophecy was over, and with it biblical history. Yet, God’s direct relationship with Israel persisted as long as the Temple stood. Then, the Temple was destroyed. The vital link between God and the Jewish people was cut off. History, as far as the Jews were concerned, was cut off as well. It will only resume when the Messiah comes and the Temple is rebuilt. (In conventional Jewish thought, the coming of the Messiah does not mark the final judgment and attendant end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it. Instead, it is a restoration of God’s original promise to Abraham, with history now picking up where it left off in the year 70 C.E.) All of the great events of the past two thousand years—the printing press, discovery of the New World, landing on the moon, Monday Night Football—even the Holocaust and the re-establishment of the State of Israel, are irrelevant in the context of Jewish history. [Orthodox Zionists will demur regarding the founding of the Jewish State. It, in and of itself, is not a mark of a return to history, but it does indicate that the return is imminent.] This point of view is nuanced and sophisticated. It distinguishes between the chronicle of humankind, which includes the rise and fall of the Soviet Union and the development of a better cup of coffee among its significant and trivial events, with decisive human history, which is determined by the will of God. All sorts of events have occurred over the millennia, but we are no closer to our hopes and dreams of a redeemed world (universal peace and prosperity) than we were when the sages Hillel and Shammai taught. Hence, the Orthodox feel fully justified in claiming that, as Jews, we are currently outside history. We are marking time until time itself resumes. Until then, it is our task and responsibility to preserve Jewish practice and thought just as it was left for us when the Temple in Jerusalem stood. Of course, with the destruction of that Temple, there are many things we cannot do as Jews—the sacrificial service, for example—but, we must continue to study these practices in preparation for their resumption. The Orthodox position, however, is fundamentally at odds with Jewish thought. It divides body—the natural everyday experience of human beings, or that which makes for human history—from spirit—the covenantal relationship between God and Israel. In one of the more familiar passages in the Torah, near the end of the Book of Deuteronomy, we are taught that Torah itself is neither in Heaven nor across the seas. Torah must operate in the real concrete lives of people, and those lives include living in time, in the currents of history. Thus, Orthodoxy’s effort at preserving Torah has the unintended effect of corrupting it. Shver tzu zein a yid Intellectually, Orthodoxy is on thin ground. Emotionally, however, it has a powerful lure. Most Jews are not Orthodox. The traditional lifestyle—maintaining a kosher home, avoiding most activities on Shabbat, always wearing a head covering, davening regularly, and so on—is intriguing. Most Jews are not at all prepared to act in such a manner, and therefore wonder about those who do. We feel as if they are sacrificing something in order to preserve Judaism. And thus, we tend to regard the Orthodox with a mixture of awe, respect and envy. One certainly should not demean Jews who choose to be Orthodox; one should not mythologize them either. In the modern world, life-style and practice is substantially a personal choice. It emanates from the individual’s own interests and needs. Jews choose to be Orthodox because they want or need to be so. It is not a matter of self-sacrifice but of self-interest. Shver tzu zein a yid, “it is hard to be a Jew,” goes the old saying. But it is no harder to be an Orthodox Jew than any other type. Some apologists have argued that being a Reform Jew is actually harder, since it demands a constant balance between an affirmative Jewish identity and a worldly humanist vision. This position, I believe, is equally wrong. Modernity is emancipation: it is the freeing of the human soul to make certain decisions about what to believe and how to live, including the freedom to reject modernity itself! We are the sort of Jew—Orthodox, Reform, secular, etc.—as a result of birth and nurturing, the availability of economic and educational options, and most of all, a fundamental existential will to be what we wish to be. [Of course, not all of our choices are based on ease or expedience. For the most part, all of us do things that we find difficult—physically, intellectually or emotionally—to do. We undergo this sacrifice, however, for the sake of our larger wishes or interests. As a result, after some time, those painful tasks that we feel obligated to undertake begin to become easier and more natural.] It is, nonetheless, hard to be a Jew. This is true for two reasons. First, there is the burden of history and heritage, and the challenge of being a permanent minority people. To affirm oneself as a Jew—regardless of practice or belief—is to concede that one is set apart. Some choose to do this defiantly, placing a hat or yarmulke on their heads and displaying the tzitzit dangling below their shirts. Others are more reticent to engage in physical displays of identity, but by virtue of their affirmation, must deal with their acceptance of distinction in other ways. The second reason is that choosing to be a Jew entails choosing to have a particular vision about how one should live as a human being. The details differ as one moves along the spectrum from liberal to orthodox, but the fundamental vision of participating in the repair of an unredeemed world remains constant. A few years ago, I was sitting in a seminar with one of my teachers. We were about to study some classic text, a passage from the Bible or Talmud, and a few participants reminded the professor that we had not first recited the blessing in preparation for study. In response, my teacher quipped: Sometimes I find it hard to be the sort of Jew I wish to be. So it is with all of us, again regardless of practice or belief. Our vision concerning our own personal conduct, a vision informed by our Jewish self-identity, is occasionally difficult to live up to. There is always more to learn, more to study, more discipline to build into our lives, more care and concern we can show to both family and strangers; more that we can do in order to be the Jews we wish to be. The challenge of being Jewish, which is the challenge of being human and being true to oneself and one’s heritage, is made no easier or harder by being Orthodox or Reform. The non-Orthodox envy, respect and feelings of discomfort for those who espouse a traditional life-style is both natural and misplaced. It is natural because there seems to be a component in the human psyche that tends to see the grass as greener somewhere else. It is misplaced because that greener grass is not ‘over there’ in Orthodoxy—at least not for us—but rather inside us, in our sincere efforts to be better Jews and human beings than we are. Orthodox Jews probably have similar attitudes regarding a liberal Jewish lifestyle. How do each side respond to these feelings? Some act on them, and change their practices and approach to tradition altogether. The evidence is overwhelming that many more Orthodox Jews become liberal or secular than the reverse. There is nevertheless movement in both directions. Others act on them in a different way by actually striving to improve themselves in accord with their Jewish vision. Some repress them, and try not to think much about being Jewish except in the way they currently are. A significant number get angry, seeing the other side as subversive, attempting to undercut one’s own Jewish lifestyle, and perhaps all of Judaism. And finally, some feel guilty. My impression of the contemporary Jewish world suggests most (but hardly all) of the angry are Orthodox, and most of the guilty are Conservative and Reform. Pseudo-Triumphs Judaism is the ‘ism’ of the Jews. From its first articulation in the Hebrew Bible, Judaism has comprised three components: God, a people and a land. The biblical history describes the early dynamic of these relationships: from a deity deeply and personally involved in the lives of individuals to a powerful, emotionally and intellectually real but physically withdrawn divine presence; from a family wandering in the desert to a confederation of tribes to a unified kingdom; and from a foreign place occupied by ‘primitive’ nation states to a gained, then lost, then regained homeland. The biblical era ends, and the land is (temporarily) lost once more, but the relationship between God and a people continues to develop. The people transform once more from a national entity to a world-dispersed faith community. Throughout all these changes, they were able to maintain a sense of cohesive unity. Thus, certain movements—Samaritans, Essenes, Karaites, and Shabbateans among others—would arise to challenge a ‘mainstream’ understanding of Jewish thought and practice. Each would be put aside. Some of their features might be absorbed into the mainstream, but anyone who persisted in defining themselves by these movements would simply be ignored as if they were no longer Jewish. In time, the movement disappeared, or, as in the case of Samaritans and Karaites, their tiny communities are considered the followers of some other religion. Then the Jews entered modernity. For many reasons, the cohesiveness that held the people Israel together as faith community began to weaken. By the end of the nineteenth century, Jewish religion had developed its three principal Movements of Reform, Conservative, and Orthodox. The old pre-modern vision of one Judaism for one Jewish people persisted. Each Movement, however, has felt that it embodied the ideas and principles of that one Judaism. Reform, Conservative and Orthodox all understood themselves to be the legitimate heirs to the Pharisees; that is, the natural and appropriate development of Judaism into the twentieth century. Thus, each Movement has had a period of “triumphalism.” This is the term used by the seminal Jewish sociologist Marshall Sklare in order to describe the feeling proclaimed by a movement that all rival movements are out of step with the needs and interests of the people, and will shortly die on the vine. Sklare observed that in the heyday of progressive idealism toward the end of the nineteenth century, Reform Judaism had its triumphal period, certain that within a generation or two all ‘modern’ Jews would be Reform. Conservative Judaism’s triumphalism was in the 30’s-50’s, as it was certain it represented the combination of modern outlook and traditional practice that appeared to be sought by the Eastern European immigrants who had come to define the Jewish community. And in the generation following the Holocaust, a period of intense criticism of the concepts and institutions defined by progressive modernity, Orthodoxy enjoyed a revival, and with it asserted its own triumphalism, based to some extent on the failures of modernity. You will note that Reform had its triumphal period the earliest; Orthodoxy’s is the most recent, and appears to persist to this day. The late nineteenth century certainty on the part of Reformers has clearly been shattered. Not every Jew is going to be Reform. Equally obvious, however, is the fact that Reform Judaism has not withered in the face of this ‘loss.’ Indeed, the Movement has grown dramatically in the number of affiliated congregations and adherents over the past quarter century. The history of the Movement has rather given Reform an appreciation of pluralism. The unity of the Jewish people cannot be found in the unity of Judaism, but instead in an acceptance of the different approaches to Jewish identity and to a response to God’s will. The persistence of Orthodox triumphalism is due in large part to its sheer survival. Most observers, as late as the 1960’s, viewed any continuation of an Orthodox community as an anachronism, a stubborn insistence on a form of Judaism that was completely out of step with the aspirations of virtually all Jews. The observation was simply wrong. The declaration of the death of Orthodoxy was, shall we say, a bit premature. And thus, to its doomsayers, the Orthodox true-believers have had every right to gloat and feel a certain measure of vindication. The poet Anthony Hecht wrote: “Merely to have survived is not an index of excellence./Nor, given the way things go, /Even of low cunning.” Orthodoxy survives today, not because it is triumphant, but because the predictors of its demise were wrong. Real Reform Jews Orthodoxy is a real form of Judaism; not the real form. In order to maintain the Idea of Judaism, it must sacrifice the World for Jews. Orthodox Jews claim that their own sense of obligation as the exclusive standard of Jewish practice. Self-reference becomes the only reference. This is the Orthodox prescription for Jewish survival. It can be respected and understood, but it should never be accepted as the sole authentic path to a Jewish future. Reform Judaism is also a real form of Judaism. It struggles with obligation, authority and tradition, but in doing so, it opens Jews up to fundamental aspects of Judaism. First, it returns Jews as Jews to the dynamic forces of history. Thus, it reasserts the threefold relationship between God, Israel and the world. Further, it makes us aware of the dynamic force of God; an ongoing process of learning more about ourselves, the world about us, and our obligation as Jews to bringing about its redemption in accord with God’s will. The finest elements of Reform Judaism are:
The elements are good not merely because they are upheld by the Reform Movement, but because they represent ideals of Judaism itself. Ideals are difficult. Most Reform Jews hardly live up to the principles of Reform Judaism, but our failures should not be an indictment of our ideals. You have decided to be a Reform Jew. If you wanted to be Orthodox or Conservative, you would be so already. The choice poses its own challenges and rewards. It is as difficult as being Jewish, and as fulfilling as being Jewish. And it is as real a Jewish decision as being human and true to one’s heritage and beliefs.
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Rabbi’s Essays
August 2, 2013 by urjnetworkadmin • Uncategorised
(2012)
Few events in Jewish religious life are more ubiquitous than the rite of Bar/Bat Mitzvah (orB/BM ). I do not know the exact percentages, but would confidently wager that more American Jewish families provide for the B/BM of their sons and daughters at the appropriate age than light Shabbat candles, or fast on Yom Kippur, or wave a lulav on Sukkot, or have a Jewish wedding. Sitting down at a Passover Seder and lighting Hanukkah candles might be more widespread. I doubt anything else comes close. Over the following paragraphs, I will like to talk about just what B/BM is. What counts for its centrality in contemporary Jewish religious life. And what are some of the features of the B/BM service, at least as I handle it.
What is it?
Let us start with terminology.B/BM is a noun, more specifically; it is an adjectival noun describing a state of being. Thus, it is similar to words like “sophomore,” “divorcee,” or “step-mother.” It is something you become. Thus, the proper expression is one becomes a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. You do not “have a B/BM ” or “get bar/bat mitzvahed.” English language, on the other hand, is a dynamic, ever-evolving entity. Verbs become nouns and nouns verbs. Hence, “to bar mitzvah” and “getting bat mitzvahed” have entered the lexicon. We should note, however, that these neologisms pertain to a religious ceremony in which an approximately 13-year-old child does something (we will get to that later). B/BM itself has an entirely different meaning. It is a state of being that is signified by the bar/bat mitzvah ceremony.
So, what isB/BM ? The term is deduced from a statement in the mishnaic tractate Avot. This document was appended to the Mishna, the early third-century compilation of Oral Torah, probably at the time of the conclusion of the Talmud. Some of its statements might very well be quite old. Others, including, the passage in question, are more contemporaneous with the tractate. Here is the statement in full:
[Judah ben Tema] taught: At 5, [one begins the study] of Scripture; at 10, the Mishna; at 13, the mitzvot; at 15, the Talmud; at 18, marriage; at 20, an independent livelihood; at 30, full strength; at 40, understanding; at 50, sageness; at 60, old age; at 70, the fullness of age; at 80, strength; at 90, frailty; at 100, it is as if one had already died and passed from the world.
The entire passage is schematic. A particular quirk of the Mishna in general is that it is written for those who already know what it is saying. A good contemporary comparison might be the notes a student takes during a college lecture. If you were at the same lecture, the notes make complete sense. If not, then you have to guess a lot about the meaning of them. We therefore have to speculate on what is actually intended.
Some features of the passage seem probable. What the Sage appears to convey is the significance of certain ages in one’s life as derived by interpretation of biblical verses. This deduction is most clearly expressed in the ages 70 and 80. They are given in the well-known section of the Psalm 90: The span of one’s life is three score years and ten, or by reason of strength, four score years. [Note, the original Hebrew merely says “seventy” and “eighty.” Most of us know the Psalm through its King James rendering.] Medieval commentators sought to draw the Scriptural connection to the other ages, suggesting, for instance that study of Mishna and Talmud are simply a doubling and tripling of the age in which one begins study of Scripture itself.
“At 13, mitzvot.” The medieval commentators suggest, through some rather creative reasoning, that the number is derived from the age of Jacob’s third son, Levi, when he joined with his older brother, Shimon, in avenging the rape of their sister, Dinah (Genesis 34). Specifically, a verse (25) relates: …Shimon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, each [‘ish] took a sword. The key word is ‘ish, man. Thus, commentators deduce that at the age of thirteen, Levi qualified to be called a man.
I wish to be clear about what I think is happening here. A passage is recorded in a fifth or sixth century text that offers the age thirteen as being connected to mitzvoth (commandments). Its intrinsic meaning is elusive, but by the time of the commentators (11th – 15th century) a concrete understanding of the assertion has emerged. At age thirteen, a child becomes an ‘ish, that is, an adult or more specifically, a non-minor. Jewish practice exempts minors from certain responsibilities. At some point, however, a person moves from the status of minor to that of adult. By the Middle Ages, then, the Jewish community had conclusively established that this transformation takes place on a boy’s thirteenth birthday. This is Bar Mitzvah.
“Today, I am a man!” So goes the old line regarding Bar Mitzvah. The sentiment is true, but only in the narrowest sense. At thirteen, a child is supposed to be mature enough to appreciate obligation and responsibility. Look at the entire passage in Avot. Thirteen is fully five years away from marriage (at 18) and career (20) that are conventional indicators of adulthood. The overarching concern in the tractate is not a biological maturity%mdash;it is not puberty—but rather emotional and intellectual growth. Sometime during the study of Mishna, but not yet at the age to tackle Talmud, a person should be prepared for the responsibility of the mitzvot.
Bar Mitzvah, not Bat Mitzvah! Within the context of traditional Jewish thought, the concept of obligation is different for men and women. All Jews, regardless of age and sex, are obligated to refrain from prohibited activity. No Jew can have a ham sandwich, or eat a cupcake on Passover. Affirmative obligations, such as reciting the Shma each morning and evening, tend to be the responsibility of only adult men. In this context, the formal obligations that fall on women do not change with age. A girl is virtually Bat Mitzvah from birth. A concept of Bat Mitzvah has nonetheless come into being within the past century, even for some Orthodox Jews. I will comment on this development later.
Becoming Bar Mitzvah, at least since the early Middle Ages, has only required becoming thirteen years-old. It is automatic, just as at age twenty-one, when can buy a drink in a bar. In Jewish communities in northern Italy during the fourteenth century, a practice arose of marking the becoming a Bar Mitzvah with a public ceremony. That which we call aB/BM today – the ceremony as opposed to the state of being – was born. And from this point on, my discussion will be about the celebration of B/BM .
The Big Event
How is aB/BM supposed to be celebrated? What is the tradition? In reality, no specific set of practices have been fixed. In the mid-2000s, a journalist, Mark Oppenheimer, described a variety of Bar and Bat Mitzvah celebrations in his book, Thirteen and a Day. The fundamental principle is that upon reaching the age of bar/bat mitzvah, the child performs a ritual act that is an obligation of a Jewish adult. In the context of a worship service, the convention is to be called to the Torah; that is, to be given the honor/responsibility of reciting the blessings over the reading of Torah. If the day of the thirteenth birthday is not one in which Torah is read, then the affirmative act of being B/BM can be laying t’filin [the ritual boxes wrapped around one arm and placed on one’s head].
The act of becoming bar mitzvah is thus similar in structure to registering to vote on one’s eighteenth birthday. It is doing something that could not be done the day before. Jewish tradition has established formal acknowledgements of the act. Actually, the principal acknowledgment is a se’udat mitzvah, an obligatory feast. AB/BM is really not a B/BM without a party!
Before dealing with this interesting and challenging requirement, let me touch upon one other tradition. At a service in which a child is called to the Torah for the first time, the boy’s father recites a prayer: Blessed is the One Who has released me from responsibility for this [person]. The prayer has been eliminated from non-Orthodox prayerbooks. It nonetheless frames a fundamental way in whichB/BM is understood. I will often tell a bar/bat mitzvah on the day of the service the following:
Yesterday, if you were to break a neighbor’s window, your parents would have to pay for the damages. Tomorrow, you would have to pay. On the other hand, if yesterday you scored a 100 on a math test, your parents would be congratulated. Next week, you would get all the credit.
In reality, a thirteen-year-old has changed very little from day before theB/BM service to the day after. But, something should surely change! While life is mostly a continuum of incremental developments, there is a dramatic difference between a child, say, of six, and that same child at eighteen. The kid has grown up, has become physically and emotionally an adult. There is more growing to come, one would hope: further developments in maturity, experience and wisdom. The child, however, is a child no more. Jewish tradition has taken a specific point in that development—and one can argue that it is virtually arbitrary—in order to mark that the change has begun. Becoming B/BM is only a beginning!
For most families, the cost of aB/BM celebration is high. Many old-timers will claim that it was not so in their day. This contention is only partially correct. A B/BM reception has always been, as a rule, a larger gathering and a more festive occasion than most any other event. There are two salient reasons why it was nevertheless smaller in the past. First, the average age in which a son or daughter had a wedding was much younger. Parents could reasonably expect that many of the more elderly relatives would be alive and well enough to attend. This expectation no longer exists, and thus, a greater effort is made to bring the extended family together at a B/BM . The second reason is that these events cost more, even when taking into account inflation. A study determined that the average cost—in constant dollars—of wedding receptions in the U.S. has more than tripled over the past forty years. We can fairly conclude that there has been a similar increase for B/BM affairs.
I spent a number of years serving a large congregation in the northern suburbs of Chicago. Occasionally, congregants would come to me to discuss plans for having theB/BM service in Israel. In the conversation it would be revealed that an important motivation for this decision was escape from the perceived expectations of the party that would take place if they had the service locally. The North Shore of Chicago is one of the areas of the country with a particularly high percentage of Jews. (Similar areas are found on Long Island, New Jersey and around Los Angeles.) On any given Saturday, especially in the Fall and Spring, four, five or more classmates from the same seventh grade in a local school will be celebrating their B/BM . Each child (and by extension, their parents) may well be fretting over who of their friends will come to their service and reception as opposed to a classmate’s. A vicious cycle of expectation and expense is created. Often, when you hear about an “over-the-top” Bar/Bat Mitzvah, it is the result of this cycle.
Areas such as the Hudson Valley are thankfully free of such competition. The affairs surrounding aB/BM are generally more modest. I think this is the case precisely because of the absence of competition. The underlying need to make the B/BM an attractive event is nevertheless very strong. Certainly, this is the case in part because of social expectations, but equally certain, there is more to it.
Finding Meaning
The age of thirteen, as I have already noted, is at best the very beginning of becoming an adult. The foundational passage from the Mishna indicates as much. The ages of eighteen and twenty are set for marriage and a livelihood, markers that much more definitively express the independence associated with adulthood. Thus, thirteen, rather than being “Today, I am a man,” is more “Today, the possibility of becoming a man is now in view.” In my opinion, the purpose of the service is to exemplify this development, both literally and symbolically.
The service of becoming a Bar/Bat Mitzvah can be as minimal as being called to recite the blessings over the Torah, or as extensive as taking responsibility for the entire service: leading the worship, reading the entire Torah portion and Haftarah, and delivering a d’rash, a thoughtful sermon or speech. At Vassar Temple, I have settled on the students leading a portion of the worship, chanting the maftir (3-5 verses at the conclusion of the Torah reading), the Haftarah, and delivering a speech. This, however, is the default expectation. Some students do more, some less.
The principal concern is not what aB/BM does in the service. It is rather in balancing two important aims. The first is that becoming a B/BM needs to be hard. Some of the students are very competent in the reading of Hebrew. For them, a few verses of Torah are not enough, and they are assigned an extra ten or more. The experience must be a challenge that requires unusual effort and preparation. The second aim is that the experience must feel fulfilling and not oppressive. Students who find learning Hebrew especially hard will generally have their Haftarah cut down in length. When the service is over, students are supposed to be able to say to themselves, “Wow, look what I have accomplished!” And not, “Gee, I am glad that is over!”
Adulthood entails responsibility. It is the ability to take on assignments that cannot be dispatched quickly and easily, but rather take determination and some hard work. In most cases, the execution of theB/BM service is the hardest thing the child has ever had to do. Of course, in the coming years, through high school, college and the rigors of family and career, there will be assignments that are much more daunting. B/BM is just the beginning. Actually, the service is the culmination of this exercise in maturation. The service thus confirms that a child has begun the process of becoming an adult. As a ritual, it is the symbolic representation of this process. What symbols are involved?
Let us step back a moment fromB/BM and consider a wedding. The Jewish wedding ceremony is replete with symbolic moments: the groom escorts the bride under a wedding canopy (huppah), they share from a single cup of wine, and, of course, a glass is smashed underfoot at the end. If observers wholly unfamiliar with Jewish rituals were to regard the ceremony, they might tend to infuse these symbolic elements with meaning: two individuals bonding into a single home, and sharing both its joys (the wine) and vicissitudes (the smashed glass). Are these the actual or traditional meanings of the symbols? The proper answer is, it does not make a difference. This is how they ostensibly present themselves.
The symbols of the wedding ceremony are unique to the occasion. Other than the appearance of a thirteen-year-old child on the bima, there is nothing distinct inherent in aB/BM service. I have therefore sought to call attention to otherwise normative aspects of the service and infuse them with meaning. They might be more subtle than those presented in a wedding, but an astute observer could nevertheless take note of them.
The Bat in Bar Mitzvah
The notion that a girl would celebrate becoming a Bat Mitzvah was literally unthinkable throughout much of Jewish history. The fundamental purpose of the rite— when it actually became a ceremony— was to acknowledge the obligations a boy had in fulfilling certain mitzvot. Since these obligations never were intended to fall on a girl, the very idea of Bat Mitzvah was meaningless.
The first challenge to this structure arose from the development of a reforming movement among French and German Jews in the early nineteenth century. Reformers attacked the traditional concept of mitzvah, and in doing so attacked the ceremony of Bar Mitzvah. Yet, the early Reformers, so intent on doing away with the Bar Mitzvah service, also recognized the secondary significance of a rite of passage into adulthood. They therefore initiated an important and far-reaching innovation: Confirmation.
As first conceived, Confirmation was designed to solve a number of perceived deficiencies. The Reformers found little meaning or value in treating each child individually as they reached the age of thirteen. There was nothing ‘magical’ about that birthday. More significant, in their eyes, was the culmination of a year of learning. Thus, children at the end of the conventional Bar Mitzvah year of Grade Seven eschewed the individual service, and rather came together for a communal celebration. In this fashion, it was not only the boys but also the girls who would participate in this new ceremony.
Confirmation has persisted to this day, almost exclusively however, within Reform congregations. The Conservative and certainly the Orthodox Movements have never adopted the practice. Over time, the Confirmation service has moved to older grades—tenth grade is a norm—but has continued to be a communal celebration and sort-of graduation exercise held at the end of a school year. Indeed, many congregations devote the service on the Festival of Shavuot to Confirmation. The occasion is apt, both due to the timing of the holiday in late May or early June, and the purpose of the festival to commemorate the giving of Torah.
As a rule, throughout the nineteenth century and well into the twentieth, Reform synagogues avoided the Bar Mitzvah service in favor of Confirmation. The question of establishing Bat Mitzvah was therefore moot. It should not come as a surprise that the first celebration of a Bat Mitzvah did not take place in a Reform Temple. In 1922, Judith Kaplan, the twelve-year-old daughter of Rabbi Mordechai Kaplan, was called to the Torah as a Bat Mitzvah in Kaplan’s Society for the Advancement of Judaism (SAJ) synagogue. SAJ, still on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, is the first congregation’s in Kaplan’s Reconstructionist Movement.
Kaplan was an Orthodox trained rabbi who taught at the Conservative Movement’s rabbinic seminary. In having his daughter become a Bat Mitzvah, Kaplan was staking out a position distinct from both Reform and tradition. As opposed to Reform, he felt it was important to preserve the institution ofB/BM . In opposition to traditional, including prevailing Conservative thought, he wished to emphasize the ceremony more as a rite of passage, rather than a ritual for accepting the mitzvot. Women move from childhood to adulthood every bit as much as men.
Kaplan also decided that Bat Mitzvah should not be precisely the same as Bar Mitzvah. Thus, he had his daughter become Bat Mitzvah at the age of twelve. Girls do, in general, mature both physically and emotionally, faster than boys. If, in Kaplan’s thinking,B/BM is the ritual of becoming an adult, it should be done earlier for women.
I do not know how long a wait there was between the first and second Bat Mitzvah, or when a girl was first called to the Torah in a congregation other than SAJ. In time, however, the institution of a ceremony for girls propagated. First, it was among followers of Kaplan, (The first Bat Mitzvah ceremony in Poughkeepsie took place at Temple Beth-El under Rabbi Zimet, who was greatly influenced by Kaplan’s student, Milton Steinberg.) then through Reform and Conservative congregations. Even the Orthodox, including some rather conservative Orthodox rabbis, began to support Bat Mitzvah as a rite of passage. It remains unacceptable in most traditional congregations to have a woman be called to the Torah, so the Bat Mitzvah observance normally takes place as a Sunday luncheon, with the girl preparing and delivering a d’rash.
Traditional Bat Mitzvah observances, whether in the sanctuary during a Torah service or otherwise, still tend to take place well before the thirteenth birthday. While earlier maturation for women is normally cited, I think the principal reason is as I suggested for Kaplan; to highlight that Bar and Bat Mitzvah are different. Reform congregations (including Vassar Temple) strive to make no difference at all. The rite of passage is not biological; it is fundamentally symbolic, and the symbolism is the same for boys and girls.
Navigating the Contradictions
The old saw “Today is the first day of the rest of your life” aptly fits the occasion ofB/BM . Life itself is filled with crossroads, having to make fateful decisions regarding career, family and home, among others. The B/BM often sits in the midst of such crossroads. Here are a few:
WhoseB/BM ? The Friday night before my son’s Bar Mitzvah service, I talked about the concept of a rite of passage. As the service concluded the next morning, my father came up to me and commented on the previous evening’s sermon. “Yes, you are right,” he said. “The Bar Mitzvah is quite a rite of passage—for the grandparents.” The B/BM has an impact that goes well beyond the child who is turning thirteen.
Most of the impact is within the family. A practice that was not a part of my own childhood experience involves the lighting of candles, usually around a birthday cake, during theB/BM reception. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah, as a rule, invites up key people to light one of the candles. And as a rule, those honored are family members and certain treasured friends. The ‘ritual’ is a particularly effective way of acknowledging relatives who had to travel a distance in order to attend the occasion. Even when friends are included in the candle-lighting, the activity tends to highlight family.
Indeed, aB/BM is so much a family-centered event that a number of synagogues set aside another space in their buildings so that regular Shabbat morning worshippers can have their own service. The B/BM belongs to the child and the family, and yet it also belongs to the congregation. At the heart of becoming a bar/bat mitzvah is taking one’s place as a full (non-minor) member of the kehillah, the Jewish religious community.
Virtually the entire onus of the occasion falls on the child and parents. The child must learn what is required in order to take part in the service. As noted above, this takes focus and endurance. The parents must make all of the arrangements; not only every aspect of the reception, but also seeing to it that the child actually does the preparation. Even with classes and a tutor,B/BM preparation mostly akin to homework.
Yet, for all this focus on the family, the synagogue is the medium in which the event takes place. A child does not become bar/bat mitzvah into a family, but into a congregation. Virtually all congregations, Vassar Temple included, establish criteria for having aB/BM service. They usually include a number of years of Religious and Hebrew instruction, which entails a number of years of membership in the congregation. Indeed, the principal underlying reason for the criteria is having the family engage with the congregation and become part of it. Ideally, the family that attends the synagogue on the occasion of the B/BM is the congregation itself.
Becoming an adult (Jew).B/BM is a rite of passage from child to adult. It is undoubtedly a Jewish rite, but it does not necessarily create a Jewish adult. The Jewish elements of B/BM lay over the ritual, but may not infuse the participants. A Jewish child becomes Bar/Bat Mitzvah on the occasion of the thirteenth birthday, exactly in the same way an American becomes eligible to vote on the eighteenth birthday, or to buy a drink at a bar at twenty-one. It is automatic, occurring whether the person acts on the new status or not. There are thus no minimum requirements or expectations.
Jewish parents—or, not infrequently, the Jewish grandparents whose child has married a non-Jew—feel a powerful need to acknowledge the sheer chronological fact ofB/BM with a public observance. The impulse is certainly social and psychological. The idea of B/BM at or around the age of thirteen is both historic and widespread. It is just what Jews do! The critical component for many is the public celebration; it is the gathering, the party. After all, what a child does to become B/BM is turn thirteen. Any other expectations are purely voluntary.
What I am describing is, of course, a form of Jewish identity with virtually no content. Yet,B/BM can be such, and in a significant number of instances is such. In commenting on my own approach to B/BM at Vassar Temple, I made the congregation an important participant in the observance. Quite a few families simply find a hall, hire a rabbi, secure a Torah scroll, and have a celebration in which no congregation is in sight.
A manufacturedB/BM is hardly without meaning, and being a B/BM , it is not without Jewish content. It is the fundamental recognition of a child being on the path to adulthood, and it is the Jewish expression of this important stage in the life of every child. Infusing the event with Jewish content, however, requires intention and Jewish self-awareness. In the traditional language, Bar Mitzvah is the passage from boy to man. How much of a Jewish man is up to you.
ChoosingB/BM
In the early twenty-first century,B/BM is in the DNA of the Jews. It is one of the fundamental criteria of a Jewish identity. Parents are willing to put a great deal of time, energy, and money into assuring that their child will have a bar/bat mitzvah. For a vast number of Jews, most of the serious thinking regarding the B/BM goes into the arrangements. The content is left to others: a rabbi, cantor, religious school and/or synagogue administration.
And when the party is over, then what? In the final analysis,B/BM is an empty vessel. It is however a vessel! B/BM has structure—it occurs when a child is roughly thirteen, and it entails a celebration—and it is explicitly Jewish. Within these bounds almost anything can be filled. Further, it is not merely a matter of quantity, but also—for the lack of a better word—density.
The path toB/BM can be stuffed with expectations: a number of years of Jewish and Hebrew education, attendance at so many services, hours required of work on a “Mitzvah Project” (volunteer activity or social action), study and writing a thoughtful speech, and finally all the tasks of the service—prayers, blessings, Torah, Haftarah, etc. All of these prerequisites are a means to end. If the end is simply the B/BM itself, they are also easily disposed. In a short time, all that is left are the warm memories and the photos. No enduring gift is made to the future; only a debt paid to the past.
If, on the other hand, the end is to take one’s place in the Jewish community, then all or most of the prerequisites are carried over and are incorporated into adult life. Rabbis, including myself, like to say thatB/BM is a comma, not a period. We say it, but the reality is that B/BM is no more—and no less—than what the child and his/her family make of it.
In the end, the choice is: did the child have aB/BM , or become a B/BM ?